So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
