you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
