dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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