Swine flu. Run for my life!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
