new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
