Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
