you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
