so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
