she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
