I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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