this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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