My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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