I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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