Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
