perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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