If that was your dad, he is hot
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
