oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
