i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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