my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i was born a porn star she said
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
