And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
