last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
