it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
accomplished twins. life is a go
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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