if you like me you must not know who I am
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
