i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
