Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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