you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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