Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
