We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
