Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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