when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
