If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
