At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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