the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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