I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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