i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
