I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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