Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
