Little spoons don't ask big questions
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
