it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
