Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The air was thick with penises
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
