I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Randomize
