I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
