apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just found puke in my bra..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
