She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
