How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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