having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
