happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
