im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
