Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
