i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
